Personal Discovery: Change your Relationship with Others Part 3

There are always going to be times in a relationship when there is conflict. It is worthy to note that, most conflicts happen when people care about a certain issue and their own viewpoint enough to take the time, energy, and emotion to conflict with each other. To clear up a conflict, we need to know the root causes of the conflict and based on that, develop solutions and compromises that would ideally appeal to both sides. This takes communication from both sides and a willingness to be open-minded to understanding why this topic is so important to each person. Sometimes, we can win a battle but lose the war. We can be so focused on what we think is right and forcing the other person to see it our way, that we instead drive the other person away. We don’t want to win an argument and end up losing a good relationship. We need to know when to tactically retreat and choose our battles. Unless it is so important to you that it is worth potentially losing a good relationship, it is better to sometimes compromise or even submit to the other side for the time being, no matter if it feels uncomfortable and discomfiting. Otherwise, stand firm. Even better, would be to prevent a conflict from happening in the first place.

In these conflicts, we can come out hurt or feeling betrayed. We want to keep our relationship going but it’s hard to trust the other person again with the same degree of emotional intimacy. It is in these times that we give our forgiveness to others. This may feel impossible to do. How do we forget the hurt we have inside of us? True, it is difficult, if not impossible to forget trespasses against us. We shouldn’t blindly just fall into the same situation to be hurt all over again. But, to be caught up in the hurt will only, in the end, harm us even more. Give yourself a chance to move forward, away from that pain. If you can’t be with that person anymore, move away but don’t remain trapped by that pain. If you can give the other person another chance, then freely give that chance to them instead of bringing that same hurt up over and over again. Choose to move forward and fill your life with happiness.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. ~Paul Boese

Sometimes, though, no matter how hard we try, a relationship suffers. There are a varied number of reasons for this, many preventable but some not. In these cases, we may need to consider cutting ourselves off of the relationship but this is the last resort. Before we do this, we need to be sure it is not ourselves that is contributing to the demise of the relationship. If it is, figure out if there’s anything you need to change or work on. We need to try to work things out, towards compromise and communication.

If nothing seems to work, and it is decided that to separate yourself from the relationship is the best bet, then you should do so completely. To take that final step of separation, there must have been compelling reasons and these reasons will hold for as long as you or the other person stay the same. Because of this, without change on either side, if a relationship is rekindled, the same problems will arise all over again.

Sometimes, instead of ending because of something happening, a relationship will just drift away. It can happen, especially among friends who have grown apart or move away from each other. This is a natural order of life. In these cases, it is better to view these friendships as a gift that we needed during a certain season of our lives and to view it fondly rather than bitterly.