Personal Discovery: Change your Relationship with Self Part 2

First comes understanding, next we need motivation. What is the reason why you want to change? How will this make you a person more in line with the person you would like to be? There needs to be an end-goal or a desire in mind. This is so important, because without motivation, the desire to change will be nonexistent. Without a desire to change, little change will actually happen. We can only change if we want to change. Our minds are generally set in specific patterns of behaviors and ways of thinking, called schemas. We use these schemas to take our experiences and filter them into something we understand based on our previous life experiences. Then based on what we have learned in the past about what we should do or say in certain situations, we create maps in our head to direct the way we respond. Once we have set our minds into these certain maps, it is very difficult to change since we’re basically rejecting what our brain thinks is our interpretation of reality. If something goes against them, we naturally tend to reject it or twist it in such a way as to fit these patterns.

Therefore, without awareness and a desire to change, our minds will naturally be resistant to any change we want to accomplish in our life. So motivation is key. When people try to quit addictions, only some succeed. A major difference between the people who succeed and the people who don’t is because there is something in their life that is so important to them, so desirable that it trumps any withdrawal symptoms and desires to fall back into the old behavior.

There was a man who was quite a bit overweight and he really wanted to slim down. No matter what he tried, nothing seemed to help. One day, he was reading a magazine when an ad caught his eye. “100% guaranteed to help you lose weight or your money back!” He figured there was nothing to lose so he bought the “Lose 5lbs. in a week” package just to try it out. The next day, someone rang his doorbell. When he opened the door, he found a beautiful woman standing there dressed only in a small bikini and white running shoes. Around her neck hung a small sign, “Catch me and I’m yours.” She took off running and he gave chase. As hard as he tried, he never caught her that whole week. However, he had lost the 5 lbs.

Delighted, he sent out for the “Lose 10lbs. in a week” package. The next day, the doorbell rang and he found an even more beautiful woman on his doorstep, dressed in nothing but a bikini and white running shoes. Around her neck hung a small sign, “Catch me and I’m yours.” Again, she took off running and though he tried his hardest, he couldn’t catch her all week. At the end of that week, however, he had lost the 10 lbs.

Emboldened by his successes, he sent out for their best package, “Lose 25lbs. in one week”. The next day his doorbell rang. Excitedly, he opened the door. On his doorstep stood a hairy giant of a man, his grin missing teeth, dressed in nothing but a small Speedo and white running shoes. Around his neck hung a sign, “If I catch you, you are mine.” At the end of the week, the man had lost his 25lbs.