Personal Discovery: Defining the Relationship with Self Part 4

As we’re starting to see, the past affects the present and the present affects the future and this is an ongoing cycle of cause and effect. We are constantly changing. The person that you are today was probably different from the person you were five years ago and will probably be different from the person you will be five years from now. Even if your core personality doesn’t change, your physical appearance may change, your life situation may change, your relationships may change, and any number of other things may change. As we become older, we are learning new things every day and learning new ways to deal with people and situations. In order to better understand the self through our lifetimes, to keep up with our constant evolution and to note the changes, it is helpful to keep records for ourselves as reference along with our self-evaluation.

Activity:

Keep a journal. Do it in such a way as you can write in it at the minimum once a week, though it’s better to do so daily. For some, it’ll be hard to get into the habit of it. That’s fine, just set aside 5 minutes once a week to do it. You can write in it as little or as much as you want. At the simplest, just write a sentence about your day and then draw a little face next to it to show your general emotion for the day. Most importantly is that your keep the journal PRIVATE, meaning you are not to show this journal to anyone, not a priest, not a significant other, not your parents, not your children, not your psychotherapist. If you know you are going to show your journal to someone, then you are not going to write this journal purely for yourself, you will be writing for an audience even if its subconsciously. You need to be completely 100% yourself in this journal, not influenced by anyone else. This is an ongoing project. Read through it every so often, noticing your mood changes and the events, no matter how ordinary, in your life. See if you notice:

• What do you spend your time doing?

• What is the general trend of events in your life?

• How do your emotions fluctuate daily, weekly, or monthly? Is there a pattern? Why do you think that is?

• Are there events or emotions that caused certain events or decisions in future entries?}

The journal is a good way to focus and aid in self-evaluation. In this self-evaluation, it is essential to be entirely truthful to yourself. As long as you are true to yourself, that you are made up of strengths and weaknesses, happy and unhappy emotions, and face that fully, you will come to understand your true self more and more.

One note of caution: no one is perfect. It is ok to have weaknesses, to have times when we are unhappy, to fail, to have bad times or bad reactions to situations. That is what makes up the completely unique you that you are. There is no need to be ashamed of that. If you strive to make yourself “perfect” and to have a “perfect” life, I can guarantee, you will probably fail eventually and probably end up more dissatisfied with the person that you are. We should learn to accept ourselves. To be perfect, really, is to be perfectly the person whom we are.

Figure out what is important to you, what makes you the person you are and you will be giving yourself a road map to make your life and yourself closer to how you want yourself to be. Now things won’t just happen to us randomly. We can actively control our life when things happen to us and we can actively control what does happen in the first place. We can understand what’s important in our lives and how to make ourselves happier. If you understand yourself, you don’t need to rely on other people to tell you techniques on how to improve yourself, you can figure it out for yourself.

This doesn’t mean that we’ll never need help from others. It is one of the wonderful things in life to have friends and partners to support and be there for us, to have role models to look up to, to have wiser people to ask advice of. 

“If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants.” – Issac Newton 

However, we have too often only looked to others when most of the answers we truly need should come from us. It is time be self-aware and to learn to consult ourselves, treating the answers coming through with respect and proper thought. It is time to take control of our own lives and instead of drifting aimlessly, assume the responsibility of guiding it.

<<Please note: Sometimes, we may have mental illnesses that are severe enough to affect our daily lives. If this is so, please see a psychologist or psychiatrist for medical help. They are the most qualified to identify and treat these illnesses. You shouldn’t try to do this on your own. Even if you don’t want to see a professional, at least tell someone you trust with this, someone who can help you or help you get the help you need. >>