Personal Discovery: Defining the Relationship with Self Part 2

Now that we have the basic picture of ourselves, we need to fit it into our own unique history. The interesting thing about history is that it consists of multitudes of causes and effects. Every event can be traced back to many causes and every event has many effects on future events. An event that happened when we were children can change the way we react to situations when we are much older. Major decisions we make in the present may only have been possible based on a series of similar decisions we made in the past. Our future choices may, in turn, be limited by the choices we make today. To realize this interconnection of past and future is not to prevent us from making these decisions nor to paralyze us with the consequences of our choices. It is to allow us to realize the origins of these decisions that stem from choices from our past and help us understand how we will be affecting our future. Otherwise, to blindly react or take action without understanding may lead to effects that could have been prevented or to prevent us from reaching effects that we desire.

Our personal history is as one-of-a-kind as we are. No one else will experience the same exact events. Not even twins born at the same time and raised by the same parents will experience the same series of life events. They will have different friends, make different choices, or even just walk out the door at different times. Each of these decisions and actions will spawn completely different chains of events.

Our past will always be an integral part of us. They form the patterns by which we live our lives, the templates that guide us and teach us. We learn what makes us happy and satisfied and we learn to reach for it and strive for it and treasure it. We learn what makes us upset and we learn to regret it and condemn it. The things I strive for may be completely different from what satisfies you and that is because my past has taught me to treasure something different. Please note that it is not stated that things we strive for are good per se or the things we regret are bad. These patterns are wholly subjective. What is important is to understands what really satisfies and gives us happiness over the long term. Some pretend to do these things, but they are short-lived and ultimately harmful. We must note the difference and to strive for the long-term over the short-term. To do this, we look towards the past because the answers we ultimately require will always come from the past. The future has not come and the present moment is fleeting. By the time we recognize the present, it is already in our past.

Activity:

Put together a memory book. This can be as simple as just scrawling in a notebook or it can be as elaborate as an intricate scrapbook. Just start noting down memories that come to mind. These memories don’t just have to be significant events in your life. One of my favorite memories was a peaceful day when I lay out in the sun in the middle of the park under a tree with purple flowers with the love of my life. The important thing is that these memories have to have some emotional significance to them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a good emotion or bad emotion. This is an ongoing project, as we will be making many more memories during our lifetime. Every so often, read through it, noting which memories you deemed emotionally significant enough to take the time to note down. When you read through it, think to yourself:

• Do you sense any trends?

• What makes you happy? What makes you upset? What causes these emotions?

• What should I focus on, in my life, that will make me have more happy emotions and less unhappy emotions?

• What is important to me? How should I change my life to focus more on the things that are important to me?

Even though our past history is integral in our lives, we must be careful not to be bound by it. We need to know what in the past is guiding our actions but we need not blindly allow our past to control our every action. Understanding does not imply inevitability. It is our awareness that allows us to be able to make choices in our life. You can choose to say, “I can do this because I was raised in this way.” or you can choose to say, “I can do this despite being raised in this way.” It is your own decision and there is no one who makes the decision but you, not your past, not your upbringing, not anyone but you.